Bold. Not hesitating or fearful. Forward. Beyond the usual limits of conventional thought o action. Clearly more than a text font. Over the past couple weeks I've noticed that my bold-o-meter is reading dangerously low. More recently I've felt a gentle push towards exploring what this "being bold" thing is all about and what it really means for me. As it turns out...it's essential.
Some friends and I set out to serve some people this week. Before hand we took some time to pray and listen to where/who God was leading us. When we arrived at our destination we walked around to scope out the scene. Immediately someone caught my eye. Just an average looking guy with a little boy (presumably his son). Nothing really stood out about him but I felt incredibly drawn towards him. I pointed him out to one of my friends and he felt the same way. I didn't need any more proof. I was convinced-- that is who we came to serve.
I sat down on a bench in close proximity to this guy- working out my nervousness (or at least trying to) and thinking of what I was going to say, how I was going to say it, what he was going to think etc. I decided the best ice breaker would be to target the little boy. So I approached and asked if we could buy the little guy some ice cream. So we all walked over to the concession stand, lo and behold, it was closed. I was stuck. My plan had completely stalled out. I didn't know what to say or do. As an act of desperation I suggested to my friend that we give them the money we were going to use for the ice cream. They refused to take it, adamantly. We parted ways, they walked back to the play area and soon after went home ....all the while I'm sitting on the wall with this overwhelming feeling that I was here to say something, do something, make some sort of an impact on him but had absolutely no courage to do so (not to mention I feared I had already freaked them out enough and possibly insulted them by offering the money). Walking back towards the rest of the group, my friend was obviously a little frustrated at the whole thing. He kept saying, "we missed our chance..." My response to him was, "Nah, I really don't think God would let us pass it up- it happened the way it was supposed to." After unpacking the events of the evening, I've realized that my line of logic there is incredibly flawed.
We are put here on earth to serve (aka love). Thanks to the gift of free will, to love is a choice. It has to be, otherwise it's not genuine. ...it's not real love. We make the choice to love or not to love - the latter resulting in a world of pain and sadness. If God "didn't let us pass up" our opportunities to love and serve there would be no hunger, no homelessness, no needless deaths, no hatred, no killing etc. Look around you, clearly that's not the case.
God does let us pass up our chances to love. He wants us to choose to love. Choose to love Him and choose to love others. We're not forced into any of this. To love others we must serve them. That can take may different forms, but almost all of them require us to do one thing: be bold.
Why is this so hard?!? Maybe it's just me and it comes easily to everyone else, but man I really struggle with it! For the past few days I've been trying to understand why. It seems to all boil down to one thing, fear. Fear of feeling awkward, fear of being judged, fear of rejection, fear of what someone might think if I just walked up to them and started telling them how much God loves them no matter what they do.
I'm continuously learning how following Jesus is a lot like "going against the grain". Often times it feels uncomfortable or awkward. We've been nurtured into a society that doesn't even know how to accept radical undeserved love, let alone express it. But if we're going to bring the Kingdom of God to anyone (and that is our job) then we have to overcome that. Some way, some how.
Recently I've been thinking a lot about the 11 apostles who were still around to see Jesus resurrected. They were so convicted that they would witness to everyone and anyone. Nothing could deter them from spreading the Good News. Not awkwardness, not judgment, not rejection, not even death. Now that's BOLD.
I aspire to possess that level of audacity. I too have seen the resurrection. The resurrection of new life in me and those around me, through Jesus. Since I've turned my life over to God it has never been the same. If I'm not sharing that with EVERYONE, then what am I doing, really?
I've had a lot of opportunities to exhibit boldness lately. From scientologists to homeless folk. I think I'm going to seek out more opportunities like those. It's time to break out of this society created shell and stop passing up my opportunities to love.
"Freedom lies in being bold" - Robert Frost
Friday, April 9, 2010
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